have you ever walked on the street and someone comes up to you and ask you if you are the person of such and such that he or she knows from somewhere? okay, maybe not to that point as in being approached on the street *unless you are a famous somebody*, how about just within a circle of friends? for exampe someone would recognize your name (or maybe reputation?) before they even met you. have you ever been in that position? for example.. you are in the party, then you involve in a small conversation with several new friends.. then after swapping a few sentences, one of them asked.. "oh, are you that guy who got so drunk on the other party that you ended up dancing on the table?" or something like that? i'm sure many of you have experienced it, in one way or another. and the worst you did, the more people would know.
so how would you feel when your reputation exceeds you? it's a weird feeling, isn't it? just over the weekend, i experienced the same thing when someone came up to my in the party while i was in philly. she came up and asked if i was the owner of slesta.com. it took her several blinks and smiles before she finally came up to me and asked the question. it took me by surprise cuz i never expected anyone would recognize me, let alone my website or to connect the two together. i mean, yes, i know how many people drop by to this site in every day basis. i know that many are my "real" life friends cuz they would come to see the gallery, but i never expected anyone to read my blog.. at least not my "real" life friends. cuz i know how they are and they're not exactly readers. especially that i talk about bullcrap most of the time. heuhahahha...
but then i find out from one person or two i know that they indeed read my blog. at first it was kinda scares me a little. cuz i always think that my blog is my sanctuary, where i can be whatever i want and don't give a rat's ass what someone think about it. it's my sanctuary to pour on my thoughts and what i think about my environment. sometimes it doesn't even mean anything except that it was somehow transformed from my brains to my fingers to type in those words. but just the fact that i found out several of my friends read it, would it matter? nope. not really. i don't write for people to see, actually. i write because i need to release something, whichever it is. however, i just came to realize that what i write shapes me, my reputation, whatever it may be. i hope it's a good one, though.
it's just funny cuz i am a very reserved person. but you don't really feel that way when you meet me in person. a lot of people i met from this blog try to find out how i am in the real life. most of them think i'm a very serious person.. in other words, boring! ha! well, maybe i am. i only talk about things that i really have passion in. literature, movies, sometimes music.. even tho' my music interest seems to be different from people my age.. wait, let me rephrase that.. girls my age. i most interested in arts cuz i know only a little about it. but i hate.. underlining hate talking about my work. well, i'll tell people about what i do and stuff but i don't like talking about what stuff i do, what involves around my work. i've had enough of it 9-10 hours a day, i don't need to talk about it when i'm having fun. some may say i'm very talkative, but i don't think i am. i think i'm more observant than talkative. my personality does not stay out in the crowd, i don't think.. cuz i don't like to be the center of attention. sometimes i know about stuff more than others, but i act like i'm totally clueless about anything. i listen but i don't judge. and i like to play pranks on people, little do they know that.. cuz they think i'm just this serious figure with serious face in the corner of the room.
just for having people know me in the surface, i keep myself reserved of all the real things about me. that's why you couldn't find anything personal about me on this blog.. not even my real name. well, yeah i know some people would call me by my real name on this site.. but i never put down my real name anywhere online. being anonymous has its consequences but it doesn't mean that you can be anonymous all the time. that moment when someone i just met found out without me telling her that i am the owner of slesta.com took me by surprise how my "identity" exceeds me.
the only thing on my mind now.. how would those celebrities feel? having their privacy ignored and people finding out about them left and right. what about the most privacy of all.. err.. such sex-tape? these days these types of videos keep bringing the buzz in the entertainment industry. are they real? did they really do it? oh well... stupid is as a stupid does, i call them that. sex sells, period! whether it's real or not, someone somewhere is making loads of money from it. if you did do it, well.. you brought it upon yourself. if you don't.. so what? just be honest with yourself.. i'm sure people would see it. i truly believe in that.
everything we do in life has its consequences. that's why i always believe that before doing anything we should think in what way it would come to us in the future. when the consequences come at the end, you have to confront yourself and come to terms that you have done it and you have to face it. it may be easy to say, but it's not as much when you're confronted by it. i, myself, still have to come to terms with some mistakes i did. but we're all human, everybody makes mistakes.. we are not perfect! our reputation may exceed us, but only one person can create it.. and it's all on your own to shape.
:: sLesTa
>> posted on 2/25/2004 02:36:00 AM | [
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:: Wednesday, February 18 ::
>> L-O-V-E
i wonder if there's a limit to love someone. i'm just more curious in the language of love. when you meet someone, you click, you become friends, love that person no matter what, be there for him/her, share the happy and bad times and just accept them for who they are.. i think that's what i call love. but there are too many kinds of love that sometimes.. honestly, i get confuse.
"if you love someone, set them free"
this saying sounds wise. but i'm confuse. how would you let someone free when you love someone dearly. well, i guess i can see the meaning behind it. you should be happy for them no matter what. let them go. but i'm not just talking about love in romantic term. what about the friendship term? i won't let my friend go. well, maybe in distance, but that does not mean i'm letting them go. they're still my friends no matter how many thousand miles we're apart.
"forbidden love"
why is it forbidden? i thought love was supposed to be a wonderful thing. something you should embrace not hidden. well, i'm trying to be as naive as possible here. i know why they call it "forbidden" and for what reason, but i want to look at the basic of things. strip those meanings and just see it for what it is. that four-letter word.
love. the four letter word that i don't think everyone really thinks what it means exactly. cuz it's not something you should be thinking about. it's something you should feel. many are still confuse by it and not sure what it is and whether they have found it. just look how many categories they have divide "love" into.
people say love is blind. but is it really? can love blindly go past beyond religion, age, race, and culture? well it can. but other things collide as it happens.. making it forbidden.
well, i don't know exactly what i'm talking about here really. all i know it's something that keeps ringing on my head over and over. would someone be doing things wrong cuz he/she love a person with different religion? would a girl be wrong if she falls in love with someone who's her junior? would a guy be wrong if he loves someone who's double maybe even triple his age? would a guy be wrong if he's in love with another guy? or girl to another girl? would someone be wrong if that person love another blindly? why would all these be wrong if they're happy?
well.. love may be blind, but society makes us see. please correct me, cuz i'm blind. :)
:: sLesTa
>> posted on 2/18/2004 03:22:00 AM | [
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:: Saturday, February 14 ::
>> HIBERNATE MODE: ON!
ah bosan!! i'm so bored out of my head. don't know why. it's not like i don't have anything else to do. people keeps asking me why i haven't updated my blog for awhile. especially now that i'm not that busy anymore since the project's over. well.. i can't answer that either. i just don't have the eager and the inspiration to write anything eventhough i have lots of issues on my head. maybe because it's too much, i just can't pick one.
well, so i decided, maybe i should just write whatever. so if you're reading this, watch out that you may not understand what i write, cuz it'll be all over the place.. just to show you how my mind works. :)
hoaahh.. i'm so dead tired.. sleepy!! always been a light sleeper and recently i feel like i'm having insomnia. just can't get myself to sleep no matter how hard i try. i've been going back to the gym after 2 (maybe almost 3) months in idle mode. i think that maybe if i get myself physically exhausted, i'd sleep easier. hmm.. doesn't really work yet. as always i take my pilates class again, but i want more cardio workout. i have my own schedule of working out.. it's just that i haven't really followed it well enough. i think since i'm dead bored i should go ahead and follow it, have a discipline to follow it so maybe i can feel the difference for once. need to tone down my body a little. i hate all these flabs during winter.
work.. work.. work. my boss just asked me if i would be willing to take out more responsibility. i'm going to be in charged of something that's totally different from what i've been doing. he called me up yesterday to have a private meeting in his office and discussed it. on one hand, i'd love to take any new challenge at any day. but on the other hand.. how would i run my department? it's not like i'm not busy at all. my desk have been flooded with paperwork that i just don't have the time to clean it. well, i definitely need someone who helps me. so i asked him. the only thing i'd need is an assistant. an educated one who can help me doing some simple tasks that's somehow takes so much of my time and take away from the big responsibility. but hey i always take everything easy.. especially now. cuz i have enough things to think about on my head. so at the end, i told him i'd take the new responsibility and try it out for the next couple of months. i'll be working closely with him and.. hopefully it means more money. *wink wink* he announced it at the management meeting this morning.. and i think it turns a few heads.. especially i'm the youngest among them and this responsiblity is quite big. so wish me luck!
what else? hmm... friends. now that adis is gone, i hardly hang out except with yul. well that's cuz i ask her to stay at my house while my brother's back home on vacation. or sometimes i'd spent time with loucee if i can steal her from her fiancee who's leaving soon. or mar. i don't even have the urge to make new friends. honestly, i don't go out and make friends. friendship is not something you want to create. it's something nurtured. it just couldn't happen overnight. you may click with one person after just seconds of talking with him/her, but friendship happens just like when you stitch. little by little, day by day.. until the threads that you stitch becomes a piece of sweater or a pair of gloves or whatever. so these days.. i'm only hangin' out with the so-called "onion boys" or anak bawang. sebenernya mereka ini temenČnya adek gue. they always hangout around my house. so i ended up hangin' out with them too. and i call them anak bawang. heheh.. for whatever the hell it means. seru juga.. i feel like i have so many little brothers. and it's funny cuz now my brother's not around.. some of them are still coming to visit. how nice of them.. isn't it? well.. bukan karena visit gue juga sih.. but at least there's always someone around.. jadinya gak sepi. heheh..
i think i'm just taking a rest of everything. everything happened all at once during the past month or so. and now i'm hibernating from all the recent runarounds. i just don't feel like doing anything. even updating this blog. even reading books. even watching movies. i just returned some dvd i rented from netflix a month ago!! gile.. sebulan jek! gak pernah gue nyimpen dvd dari netflix ampe sebulan. biasanya dalam seminggu juga udah bolak balik.
the only thing i have these days.. just me and my iPod and the soundtracks of my life. i'll cheer up soon. but hey don't get me wrong.. i don't feel sad, unhappy, or anything. just numb. i just don't feel anything. as i said.. i'm hibernating, whatever the hell that means. one of these days.. i'll wake up fresh from the long rest. :)
i'll be back! maybe a week, maybe a day, maybe a month.. i don't know. i'll be updating this site. the pikofdawik or movies411. i may update my blog too, but maybe with some crappy entry like this. hehehe...
dengerČ kabar burung, tommorrow's valentine's day. hihi.. not quite a big fan, but for those who celebrate valentine's day.... happy valentine, then! who wants to be my valentine? heuaha.. no i'm just kiddding!!
:: sLesTa
>> posted on 2/14/2004 02:26:00 AM | [
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:: Wednesday, February 4 ::
>> AN ODE TO ADIS
friends. a simple word isn't it? it's uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. who are your friends? i used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. now i know that friends aren't that, they're the people that touch your heart. you could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just because it was with them. they're the people you can
share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with, and just have fun with. they don't judge you or make you change. they accept you exactly as you are. they look at you and they see a great person, one they love spending time with. you all share something in common and are tied together by memories, tears, laughs and smiles. you're tied together by love for the other. friendship is the strangest but greatest thing in the world. i find my time with my friends, the best times of my life.
and adis.. you are one of them. you are the kindest, most unselfish person i know. a beautiful person inside out. we had so many memories together. from those concerts we attended or the movies we seek (you're definitely my LOTR buddy!) to the trips we are planning for this summer.. *wink wink* jadi yaaa.. we may not spend as much time as i would love to, but i'm glad to get to know you better. from being roommates (remember that late night you told me about "YOU" when others weren't home yet? i'm so happy i could get you to talk! *lol*) we became great friends. there's nothing i want more in a friend than just having you around. thanks for being you!
i will definitely miss you in nyc, but i know we'll meet again. friendship is indeed a strange thing.. it's the connection that matters. you may seem like you've been far away for a while but when you meet a friend, time was never a matter, you'll just click as if you just said your farewell yesterday. so i'll see you again.. keep in touch ya! good luck on your next journey, i know you deserve the best in all you do and remember, you'll have my ears if you need to talk about anything, kay?
love you always
that's what i wrote on the book that we gave her. if you want to know why i've been so busy these days.. it was because me and loucee were working on a book that we gave to adis. it's a compilation of pictures of friends, comments and messages with individual pictures from everyone here, and pictures of our favorite places. and that's what we did when we walked around soho and took picture for the book. here is the link again. the book was so wonderfully done *thanks to loucee* and it looks as if it was done professionally with the great binding, printing and layout. it looks like one of those design book you bought at the bookstore. we put alot of effort in it and we're glad we did. it's different when you're doing things out of passion and love.
so adis has left nyc on sunday. she's the last one among our group that i'm very close to and finally left. i know i'll see her again, i know we'll have those sleepless nights and long talks again someday, but it's just sad to know that i wouldn't have her around to go see the concerts, the indie movies, or just walk around soho to take pictures and do nothing with.
we both didn't cry when we said our goodbyes. we hugged 3 times.. we just couldn't let go. she told me she was happy that she was strong enough not to cry.. but i broke down when i saw her walking down to the gate. it just hits me that i won't have her around anymore.. to call her and bother her during the day or make plans with her for dinner. it's good that we didn't see each other cried. i miss you already, dis!
